


The Secrets we Share

by breemeup



Series: Korrasami week 2015 [3]
Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Angst, College AU, Coming of Age, F/F, Genderqueer bolin, Homophobia, Korrasami Week, Korrasami Week 2015, Modern AU, Trans girl kai
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-04-22 15:38:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4840952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breemeup/pseuds/breemeup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asami was content to live her life in the shadows, that is until Korra comes into her life and brings her out of them. </p><p>Response to Korrasami Week Day 5: Modern Au</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so a few things.
> 
> 1\. This was totally meant to just be a one shot for Korrasami week, but it got way too long so I'm dividing it into parts. I've uploaded 2 parts today and you should expect a few more soon (:
> 
> 2\. Content warning for homophobia, anxiety attacks, and a brief suicide mention. 
> 
> 3\. This is the song Korra shows Asami: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnNKdjvcJKk
> 
> 4\. A large chunk of this fic comes from personal experience. I'm a woman who loves women and lives with bigoted, evangelical Christian parents, so my experiences mirror Asami's in a lot of way. That's not to say that this is an autobiographical work, but Asami's growth towards self acceptance follows a very similar path that mine did, except I didn't have a Korra to help me out. Writing this has been incredibly cathartic so I hope you enjoy it!

Asami walks into the classroom hesitantly. At first, she's concerned that she's walked into the wrong class, given that the only other person inside is a dark skinned girl furiously attacking a sketchbook with a pencil. Asami glances at her schedule once again _GS 201: Introduction to Gender and Sexuality. Location: KH3025B._ Unless her schedule is wrong, she's in the right class, but just to be sure, she shyly approaches the girl.

 

“Excuse me,” she says softly. The girl doesn't seem to hear her, continuing to doodle in her journal, her tongue sticking out slightly as she concentrates. “Excuse me,” Asami repeats, more loudly this time.

 

The girl jumps in her seat at the interruption and blinks up at Asami in surprise.

 

“Oh!” Asami blushes, “I didn't mean to sneak up on you”.

 

“It's all right,” the girl gives Asami a wide smile, a smile that makes Asami's heart speed up and her stomach do all sorts of wild gymnastics. _Stop it_ , she wills herself, trying to reign herself in.

 

“Oh good,” Asami replies, trying to regain her composure.

 

“I'm Korra,” the girl smiles that smile again and sticks out her hand.

 

“A-Asami,” Asami shakes her hand, praying with all her heart that the girl can't feel her racing pulse

 

“Nice to meet you,” Korra lets her hand go and Asami gives an internal sigh of relief, “Did you need something?”

 

“Right!” Asami says, maybe a touch too loudly, “I was wondering if I had the right class?”

 

“GS 201?” Korra asks, “With Professor Kya?”

 

Asami nods, not trusting herself to reply without stuttering. Between Korra and the class she was taking, she could barely contain her anxiety.

 

“Then you're in the right place,” Korra smiles, “Wanna sit next to me?” Korra clears her backpack off the seat next to her so that Asami can sit.

 

Asami looks towards the back corner of the room, her usual desk of choice, then back at the desk next to Korra.

 

“Come on,” Korra grins, “I don't bite.

 

At that Asami gulps and takes her seat next to Korra, tucking her bag under her seat. She smiles softly at Korra, who grins back, causing Asami to blush yet again.

 

It was going to be a long, stressful quarter.

-

 

 

 

Korra and Asami sit next to each other in silence as Korra draws and Asami pretends to text for what seems like hours but is really more like ten minutes. As time passes, other students trudge in, talking loudly, laughing at jokes, shoving the last of their lunch in their mouths. A grey haired woman all but waltzes in after them, her arms full of books and papers, which she slams on the desk at the front of the class room.

 

“All right,” she says in a calm yet authoritative voice, “Settle down”. The class begins to quiet as students take notice of the professor, “Excellent,” she smiles and turns towards the black board, “Welcome to Introduction to Gender and Sexuality,” she writes the name of the class on the board, “My name is Kya, just Kya, we're all adults here, no need for formalities,” she writes her name in tight cursive under the name of the course.

 

“Now,” Kya turns around and clasps her hands in front of her, “Time for introductions,” the class groans, “I know, I know, you do this _every_ class, but I need to get to know you all”.

 

“We'll start here,” Kya points to Asami, who freezes up like a deer caught in headlights. “I want your name, class, major, and why you're taking this course”.

 

“Um, well,” Asami mumbles. Korra gives her an encouraging nod, and Asami continues, “My name is Asami Sato, I'm a sophomore, I'm double majoring in electrical engineering and architecture, and I'm taking this course to fulfill my general education requirements”.

 

Kya says something in response and continues to the next student, but Asami can't focus on anything they're saying. She puts her head down. _What am I doing here? This was a terrible idea._

 

Asami had signed up for this class to learn more about others, about herself, but now it all seemed like a big mistake. After all, it had been bad enough when her father had heard that the biology department was teaching evolution, but if he found out Asami was taking _this_ class? There was no telling how he'd react.

 

Asami feels herself panicking, feels the cold sweat running down her face as her heart speeds up. Just as she's going to excuse herself to get out of class, to go to the restroom, outside, anywhere but here, Korra stands up.

 

“Hello,” she smiles. Asami looks up, “My name is Korra. I'm a junior here and I'm majoring in Gender and Sexuality studies, I'm taking this course because it fulfills my major requirement and because I'm genuinely interested”.

 

Korra sits back down and gives Asami a small smile before returning to her sketchbook.

 

The rest of the class is a blur of introductions and rules and syllabi, but Asami could only focus on Korra's brow furrowed in concentration, on her well defined arms, on nothing but Korra.

 

Asami was in trouble. Because of all the things her father could know, of all the secrets he could discover, these feelings would be the worst by far.

-

 

After class, Korra makes as if to talk to Asami again, but before she can even open her mouth, Asami has packed up her things and is power walking to the door.

 

She somehow manages to hold her tears until she reaches her car, a small dinged up Honda. She enters the car and immediately bursts into tears, leaning her head against the steering wheel.

 

 _Why am I like this? Why why why why why_. It's all Asami can do to stop herself from banging her head against the steering wheel. _Of all people, why me?_ She doesn't bother asking god this question, she'd given up long ago on getting answers from him, not that her father would ever know that. Her father could never really know anything about her, at least not about the real her.

 

Asami sits up and cleans up her makeup. It's time to return to her other life, time to go home.

 

-

“Hey daddy!” Asami calls out as she enters their small apartment, “I'm home!” she says with false cheer.

 

“Over here, sweetie,” a voice calls back from upstairs.

 

Asami climbs the stairs and peeks her head into her father's bedroom, where he sits at his desk, hunched over his sermon notes. Ever since her mother's death, he'd withdrawn more and more into the church until it seemed as if he were fully immersed in preaching and in taking care of his flock.

 

“Hey,” Asami smiles, leaning against the door.

Mr. Sato looks up from his notes, “Hey yourself,” he smiles warmly at Asami, “Come in, come in”.

 

Asami walks into the room and stops at her father's desk, “How was school,” he asks.

 

“Good,” she smiles back.

 

“Good? That's it?” Mr. Sato raises an eyebrow, “How was that um that archeology course you're taking?”

 

“It's anthropology, dad,” Asami laughs airily, trying not to stumble over the lie.

 

“Anthropology?” he frowns, “That sounds a bit too Humanist for my taste”.

 

“It's the study of different cultures, dad,” Asami lays the lies on thick in the hope that her father wouldn't ask anymore questions, “it'll come in handy if I ever become a missionary”.

 

“Ah,” her father smiles, a twinkle in his eye, “I'm very proud of you, honey, you're staying true to Christ rather than giving up your heart to the world,” he stands up and gives Asami a tight hug, “That's my girl”.

 

 _If only you knew_.

 

-

 

The next class session, when Asami walks into the classroom, Korra looks up expectantly. Rather than taking her original seat next to Korra, however, Asami ignores the girl and makes her way to the back of the class, leaving a confused and hurt looking Korra in her wake.

 

Asami feels a twinge of guilt, but does her best to suppress it. _This is for the best._

 

Today was the first real day of class, so Kya begins the lesson by saying, “Raise your hand if you did the readings last night”. About a quarter of the class, including Korra raises their hand.

 

 _Oh no_. How was Asami supposed to do the required readings? She couldn't very well ask her father for money to buy books like “Queering the Borderlands”.

 

Kya sighs at the class's lackluster response, “Okay,” she says, “How many of you have all the required books with you?” This time, half the class raises their hands. Kya rubs her temples, “All right, those of you who for whatever reason cannot or will not buy the books, I have a few copies on reserve at the library. You can rent out the books for a few hours, more than enough time to do your readings and complete your classwork, I'm sure”.

 

Asami perks up at this. Maybe this class wasn't such a mistake after all. Maybe, just maybe, she could do this. Maybe she could find out what's wrong with her, what makes her keep glancing up at Korra for the rest of the course.

 

 _I mean she's not exactly inconspicuous_ , Asami tries to justify to herself. And it's true, Korra raises her hand to answer nearly every question, she quotes full passages from the readings, she debates fiercely with the long haired boy in back who dares to call the validity of non binary people into question. Korra is magnificent. Self assured, confident, and most importantly, secure in her gender and sexuality, whatever they might be. _I wish I could be like that_. Asami catches herself thinking wistfully. _Maybe that's it, maybe I just want to be her_. But in spite of her skill in lying to her father, she doesn't quite succeed in convincing herself that her attraction to Korra is strictly platonic and admiring in nature. It's as if Korra exerts some sort of gravitational pull on Asami, pulling her in, calling to her, making her fall, and try as she might, she fears that she won't be able to resist.

 

_

 

After class, Asami rushes out yet again and makes for the library. She'd texted her father telling him she was staying late studying with some of the kids from the Christian Club on campus, and he'd given her permission to stay later than normal.

 

Asami asks the circulation desk for the books she needs and settles down at one of the tables, opening up her notebook and putting her headphones on. She listens to the music pre approved by her father. It's not exactly to her taste, but without music of some sort, she can't concentrate on her work, so she makes do.

 

Just as a Switchfoot track starts playing, someone taps her on the shoulder. Asami jumps and turns around. Korra's grinning face looks down at her. Asami smiles back weakly, and Korra must take that to be some kind of sign because she settles into the seat next to Asami.

 

“Hey,” she says as Asami takes off her headphones, “Watcha listening to?”

 

“Oh,” Asami switches off her music, “Um nothing”.

 

“Nothing?” Korra raises an eyebrow, “Let's fix that”. She takes out a pair of ear buds and hands one of the buds to Asami. “Do you like Kina Grannis? I bet you'd like her, you look like a Kina Grannis kind of girl”.

 

“Oh, okay,” Asami puts the bud in her ear. She doesn't know what she's expecting, maybe something angry and rebellious and courageous, but whatever it is that she's expecting, it's certainly not the music that starts playing.

 

A warm voice starts singing softly, sweetly, joyfully. It takes Asami a moment to notice, but the woman singing seems to be singing about another woman? And not in the ways that Asami has associated with lesbian or bisexual women or whatever. All her life, women loving women has been presented as a tragic, hidden thing, full of death and relationships that always fail and angry parents.

 

Instead what she hears a song full of sweetness, with lyrics like _“This woman is my destiny”_ and _“We were bound to be together”_. It's a song that directly contradicts everything anyone, from her father to the media to the Bible, has told her about women who love women.

 

Almost without realizing it, Asami lets her eyes flutter shut, drinking in the music, forgetting for one beautiful moment the sermon's she's heard, her self hatred, even god himself. She just drinks in the music.

 

The song finally stops and the moment breaks. Asami realizes that somehow, she's inched closer to Korra, and she turns towards her in shock, her face just a hair's breadth from Korra's.

“I told you you'd like her,” Korra smiles softly.

 

“I-I have to go,” Asami packs her bags and runs out of the library, leaving the books open on the table.

 

_

 

 

Asami continues to studiously ignore Korra at the next class session, and the next, and the next. And each time she walks into the classroom, Korra attempts to call her over. And so it goes for about a month, until the day Kya decides to show the documentary.

 

“Okay, class,” Kya says, facing her students, “Today I'm going to be showing a film titled “For the Bible Tells Me So. Who here has watched the film before?” A handful of students, and of course, Korra, raise their hands. “Not many, then. Good,” Kya smiles. She puts a dvd in the slot and turns on the projector. “Now, before I start the film, I want to give some content warnings for homophobia and suicide”.

 

Asami stiffens, _this isn't good_.

 

“If any of these things disturbs you, you are free to leave the class now”.

 

 _Okay, if anyone leaves, I'll go too_. Nobody moves a muscle.

 

“Excellent,” Kya says as she pushes the play button.

 

Asami attempts to steel herself for what's to come, but nothing could have prepared her for what she sees on the screen. Families, torn apart over their child's sexuality and their parent's zealotry, a gay woman, lost and alone, who committed suicide, an entire corporation that profits off of the bigotry of others.

 

Suddenly, Asami can't breath. The room spins around her, and tears start to swim in her eyes. She grabs her things as best she can and stumbles out of the classroom, not caring if anyone notices her. Once outside, she sinks down, her back against the hall wall.

 

And there, she cries. She cries for the broken families, she cries for all those who came before her, who went through what she's going through, but most of all, she cries for herself. Asami cries tears of fear, tears of rage, tears of despair all at once, and just as she thinks she'll never stop, that she'll be sitting outside the class sobbing for all eternity, the door to the classroom opens.

 

Two strong arms cradle Asami and a reassuring whispers, “It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. It's going to be okay”.

 

Asami swallows up the words, grabs onto them as if they were a lifeboat, the only thing stopping her from being swept out to sea. She turns around and sobs into Korra's chest, not caring what she thinks, not caring that her secret is most likely out.

 

“Hey,” Korra whispers once Asami has calmed down a bit, “My car is parked right out there. Do you want to go talk there for a while?”

 

Asami nods weakly in reply, and Korra helps her stand up. Korra grabs Asami's stuff and guides her out the door.

 

They reach Korra's car in a matter of seconds, and Korra opens the passenger door for Asami, who slides into the seat. Korra joins her in the driver's seat and rolls up the windows.

 

Asami sniffles and picks at some white hairs that have stuck to her black leggings.

 

“Oh sorry,” Korra laughs, “Those are from Naga”.

 

“Naga?” Asami asks quietly.

 

“Yeah, hold up,” Korra grabs her phone and opens up her gallery, scrolling through until she finds the picture she wants, “Here”.

 

Asami grabs the phone hesitantly and looks down at the picture. A monstrously huge white dog looks back at her, her tongue sticking out of her mouth, which is open as if she were smiling.

 

“She's cute,” Asami hands the phone back to Korra.

 

“Yeah, but she sheds like a mother fucker,” Korra puts the phone away.

 

“Oh,” Asami tries not to cringe at Korra's language and looks down at her hands. The two settle into an awkward silence, each waiting for the other to speak.

 

“Sooo,” Korra finally breaks the silence, “Do you want to talk about what happened in there?”

 

“Ye- no- I don't know,” Asami sighs.

 

“If you're not ready to talk about it, it's okay, but I'm here for you when you are ready, okay?” Korra rests a hand on Asami's shoulder.

 

Asami tenses.

 

“Why are you doing this?” she demands and Korra pulls back.

 

“Doing what?'

 

“Talking to me all the time, trying to get me to sit with you, this whole thing right now, why?”

 

Korra muses it over. “I guess,” she starts, “I guess it's because I remember being there, you know? I know what it's like, and I wish someone had been there for me, you know?”

 

Asami's eyes widen. _Is it really that obvious? Is it only a matter of time before dad finds out?_

 

As if sensing her panic, Korra reassures her, “Don't worry, I'm just really good at sensing these things”.

 

“Oh,” Asami sighs in relief, she'd heard about this kind of thing before. “Gaydar, right?”

 

“Well in my case, bidar,” Korra winks and puts her feet up on the dashboard, “But yeah, my radar is pretty legendary. Besides,” Korra looks over at Asami and grins, “I've seen the way you look at me”.

 

“Wh-what?” Asami chokes out.

 

“I'm kidding!” Korra sits up, “I'm just kidding, sorry”.

 

“Hahaha,” Asami laughs weakly.

 

“I was just trying to get you to lighten up a bit,” Korra smiles reassuringly at Asami.

 

Asami gives Korra a genuine smile back. “Thanks,” she says.

 

Korra nods, “No problem”. Silence returns again but this time, it's comfortable, peaceful. And this time, it's Asami who breaks the silence.

 

“I want to talk about it,” she whispers.

 

“Yeah?” Korra raises an eyebrow, “Only if you're ready”.

 

Asami nods firmly.

 

And she tells Korra everything. She tells her about her father, about how he was eaten alive by grief and zealotry after her mother's death. She talks about the years she spent, hating herself, denying the way she felt about girls, praying every night asking God to forgive her for even so much as looking at a girl and thinking she's pretty. She tells Korra about the sermons her father writes and how close they are to those described in the film. And finally, finally, for the first time in her life, she says out loud,

 

“I like girls”.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

The next class session, Asami sits down next to Korra, who smiles at her without saying a word before returning to her sketchbook.

“What are you always drawing?” Asami asks, leaning over her desk.

“Oh,” Korra shows the sketchbook to her, revealing a stylized, distorted self portrait, “I help run the LGBTQ zine that the Gender and Sexuality center puts out every quarter. I'm trying to come up with a cover”.

“Wait,” Asami says, “So every thing in that sketchbook is a potential cover? Sounds like you're going through a lot for just a zine”.

“Well it's not just covers,” Korra blushes lightly and tugs on a strand of her hair, “And besides, it's not just a zine! It's _the_ zine!”

  
“Oh, ' _the_ zine'” Asami repeats with air quotes, “That totally clears things up”.

Korra laughs, “No, it's just,” she pauses to think, “It's just I've been contributing to the zine since I was a freshman, you know? And like for the first time, I finally get to do the front cover, and that's huge for me. So I guess that's what I meant,” Korra finishes.

“I understand,” Asami smiles as Kya walks into class.

 

-

Asami doesn't rush out of class as she normally does, instead, she lingers at her desk waiting for Korra to pack up her stuff.

“So where are you from?” Korra asks as they walk out the door together.

“I've lived here my whole life,” Asami answers, “I've always wanted to travel, but a pastor's salary isn't exactly lucrative”.

Korra nods.

“How about you?”

“Alaska,” Korra says.

“Alaska??” Asami exclaims, “No way”.

“Yes way!” Korra laughs.

“Wow, California must be difficult to adjust to though after living there”.

“I guess,” Korra shrugs, “It's been tougher on Naga, poor thing. I have to give her an ice bath at least once a day”.

The pair continue making small talk until they reach the Student Union.

“Well, this is my stop,” Korra says.

“Okay,” Asami smiles, “I'll see you in class?”

“Definitely”.

Asami turns and walks towards the parking lot.

“Wait!” Korra runs after Asami, “I just realized. I'm headed to a get together at the GS center. You wanna come with me?”

“I can't,” Asami says. _No way am I ready for that_. “My dad's expecting me”.

“Aww,” Korra looks genuinely disappointed, “Well, we meet every Tuesday and Thursday, if you can ever find the time”.

“I'll try,” Asami lies.

“Sweet,” Korra smiles, “See you in class!” She walks towards the Student Union.

And Asami wishes she had the strength to run after her, to walk into the meet up, head held high, proud of who she loves. But she's not ready for that. Not yet.

_

It's Saturday night, and Asami is sitting at her desk, studying for a Calculus test she has coming up, when her phone rings. She looks over to see who's calling her and gasps in surprise when she sees that it's Korra.

They'd exchanged phone numbers last class session. Asami had used the “What if one of us gets sick and needs to get homework,” excuse to great success. Korra had eagerly handed Asami her phone, and just like that, the two of them were texting almost daily.

“Hello?” Asami picks up the phone.

“Yo,” Korra says on the other end, “What are you doing right now?”

“Um,” Asami looks down at her work, “Studying? You?”

“Not a damn thing,” Korra replies, “Let's change that, yeah?”

“Like right now?”

“Yup”.

“Right now right now?” Asami looks over at her clock, which reads 9:00, nearly her curfew.

“Yup,” Korra says again, “Tell your dad that you're hanging out with the youth group or some shit”.

“Uh,” Asami thinks it over before deciding that it's worth a shot, “Let me ask my dad”.

“Sweeeet,” Korra replies, “Text me when you find out”.

Asami nods and then realizes that Korra can't see her, “I will”.

“Bye,” Korra hangs up before Asami could reply.

“Dad?” Asami leaves her room and walks towards her dad's. She opens the door, “Daddy? Can I ask you something?”

Her father is slumped over his desk, snoring deeply. He's holding his pen and seems to have fallen asleep mid sentence.  
“Oh, dad,” Asami turns off the light, drapes a quilt over her father the best she can, and sets the pen down on his desk.

 _I can't wake him up_ , she looks down at him and then down at her phone. _He won't notice if I'm gone for a few hours._

 _Come on over_ , she texts Korra, and then sends her her address.

Asami returns to her room and waits nervously.

 _Here_! Korra texts her and Asami takes a deep breath. She can't go out the door, the hinges creak too much, so she opens her window.

 _I feel like a rebellious teen_ , Asami laughs to herself, _Guess I'm a late bloomer._

She hikes a leg over the window sill, and then hoists herself out the window and down onto the roof of the other floor, which sticks out a bit. She inches her way down the sloped roof and to the edge. Once there, she turns around, grabs onto the drain pipe, and slowly rappels herself down.

Asami turns once she reaches the ground to see Korra clapping from her Jeep. Asami takes a deep bow and pretends to blow kisses to an imaginary crowd. Korra laughs and rolls down the passenger window.

“Let's go,” she whispers. Asami makes her way over to the car and goes in.

“I had no idea you were such a daredevil, Asami Sato,” Korra says admiringly.

“My mom signed me up for tae kwon do and gymnastics and climbing lessons and stuff when I was kid,” Asami replies as she puts on her seat belt “I'm not just daddy's little girl, you know.”

“I knew there was something special about you,” Korra smiles over at Asami, who blushes, “Now where to?” she puts her car into drive.

-

Asami guides Korra up a nearby hill and has her park at the top.

“Wow,” Korra whispers, taking in the view.

“Yeah,” Asami sighs, “We used to come up here all the time, before-”.

“I'm sorry,” Korra puts a hesitant hand on Asami's shoulder.

“Me too,” Asami looks out at the view for a moment before opening the car door, “Come on!” she smiles at Korra.

“Come on?” Korra opens her door, “Where?”

“I'll show you,” Asami doesn't know what it is, maybe it's their sudden close friendship or the fact that she's somewhere that makes her feel brave and free, but she reaches over and takes Korra's hand.

She guides Korra through the darkness, under trees and around bushes, taking her deeper into the chaparral.

“Here,” she whispers.

“I don't see anything,” Korra whispers back.

Asami realizes that she's still holding Korra's hand, so she lets go abruptly.

“Wait,” she walks a few feet before stopping in front of a tire swing. She pulls it up the steep incline behind her and hops on. She pushes off the ground and swings, laughing.

“Asami Sato,” Korra whistles, “You are just full of surprises”.

Asami jumps off the swing and brings it up to Korra. “Your turn,” she smiles playfully.

Korra gets on the swing and pushes off hard, yelling out happily as she swings. She's going so fast and high, that Asami needs to catch her to stop her.

“Gotcha,” Asami whispers, holding the rope in her hands. She and Korra are so close, she can smell the adrenaline on the other girl.

“Asami,” Korra whispers back.

“Yes?” Asami pulls a bit closer.

“You can let go now”.

“Oh!” Asami lets Korra hop off the swing and lets go of the rope swing, “Sorry,” she laughs nervously.

“No worries,” Korra waves off Asami's apology, “I know I can be... intoxicating,” she gives Asami that heart stopping grin of hers.

“Oh shut up,” Asami rolls her eyes, secure enough in her friendship with Korra to be herself.

Korra laughs, “Hey, Sato,” she says, and Asami looks over at her, “Let's go on the swing together”.

“Yeah?” Asami grins, grabbing the tire swing.

“Yeah,” Korra grins back.

-

 _Well that didn't exactly go as planned_ , Asami thinks, lying in the dirt.

“You okay, Asami?” Korra groans from her spot on the ground

“Fine,” Asami says , “You know, in retrospect, that probably wasn't the best idea”.

“Probably not,” Korra laughs and Asami joins her, letting out the first full belly laugh she's had in a while.

“You're different,” Korra whispers once they've wound down.

“Different how?”

“I don't know,” Korra replies hesitantly, “Like before you were always super quiet and like afraid, you know? And now you seem, more alive I guess?”

“Well,” Asami muses, “I know you better now, and I'm not really myself around people I don't know well”.

“Gotcha”.

“It's more than that though,” Asami continues, “You're the only person who knows... my secret, so I guess that makes me feel a lot more at ease, you know?”

“Makes sense,” Korra says, “But you know. You don't gotta call it your 'secret' when you're around me. Like I know”.

“I know,” Asami whispers, “It's just hard”.

“I know,” Korra stands up and dusts herself off, “Come on!”

And this time it's Korra grabbing her hand, pulling her up and dragging her along with her before Asami can even dust herself off.

Korra guides her back towards the car, to the edge of the hill.

“I LIKE GIRLS,” she shouts out to the sleeping city.

Asami jumps in surprise.

“Your turn,” Korra turns to Asami and motions towards the edge grandly.

“Um,” Asami hesitates, “I like girls?”

“You can do better than that, Sato!” Korra shouts, “It's not a question, say it like you mean it!”

“I like girls,” Asami says again, more firmly this time.

“Louder!”

“I like girls!”

“Louder!”

“I LIKE GIRLS,” Asami lets out a yell like she's never let out before, and all of a sudden, she feels a massive weight lifted from her. She feels so light, light enough to fly, to jump off this hill and soar over the city.

“That's more like it,” Korra whispers.

Tears of joy, of relief run down Asami's face, the wind kissing them away.

_

They stand there, yelling their secrets at the city.

“I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD,” Asami yells.

“I HATE ALASKA”

“I WISH YOU WOULD STOP THINKING ABOUT CHURCH FOR FIVE MINUTES”

“FUCK YOU FOR CHEATING ON ME, MAKO”

“I WILL NEVER BE A MISSIONARY”

“I WISH WE COULD BE FRIENDS AGAIN”

They yell and yell until their voices are hoarse and the wind has chilled them to the bone.

“Let's go,” Korra smiles.

Asami looks over at Korra and she knows there's one secret she won't be yelling out tonight.

They walk back to the car and Korra notices that Asami has scraped her knee.

“Oh no!” Korra yells out, “Asami, you should have said something”.

“Huh?” Asami looks down at her knee, “Oh, it's just a scrape”.

“It could be infected!” Korra opens the back of her jeep and directs Asami to sit on the edge of the car.

Asami complies, “What's happening?”

“Hold on,” Korra walks away and rummages around in the back seat. She comes back with a small first aid kit.

Asami laughs, “You have a first aid kit with you?”

“Of course,” Korra looks at Asami with mock seriousness, “Safety is no joke”.

“Whatever, nerd,” Asami laughs.

“Hey,” Korra says as she cleans Asami's wound with peroxide, “My mom's a doctor, so I guess I picked up some habits from her”.

“You know,” Asami muses as Korra searches for the right band aid, “You don't talk much about your parents”.

“Not much to tell,” Korra shrugs and gingerly places the band aid on Asami's scrape, “My dad's a city council man, my mom's a doctor, they love and support me and miss me and that's about it”.

“That can't be all,” Asami says.

“Hey man,” Korra closes up the first aid kit, “I've had a fairly boring life”.

“I doubt that,” Asami stands up, “Why did you come out all the way to California for school”.

“Well first off,” Korra closes the back, “I fucking hate Alaska”. Asami laughs, “Also, I got a full ride scholarship”.

“Really?” Asami raises an eyebrow.

“Hey, don't look so surprised. You're not the only braniac around here, you know,” Korra walks towards the driver's side of the car, “I was the top of my class and everything”

“Oh no, I didn't mean to imply-”

“It's fine,” Korra says, “And I mean it's not that hard to be at the top of your class when you have like 20 graduating seniors”.

“Your town is that small?” Asami opens the passenger door.

“Yup,” Korra shuts her door and Asami does the same.

“What was that like?”

“Boring. Conservative. Cold,” Korra shrugs and turns on the car, “Anyway, let's get you home before your dad notices you're gone”.

-  
Asami manages to sneak back in via the kitchen window and goes up to her room.

The clock by her bed reads 1:00, definitely past her curfew. Asami lets herself fall into bed, sighing happily.

It's later than she normally sleeps, but she doesn't feel tired in the least. She stares up at her ceiling, up at the glow in the dark stars her mom had put up there for her fifth birthday. 

It's been a while since Asami has had a friend. She smiles. Yes, Korra was her friend, she didn't want to ruin that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written to fit the prompt of Day 6: Safe Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for suicide mention and bullying mention.

It's the following Tuesday, and Asami leaves her Calculus class with a smile on her face.

 

 _Today is the day_ , Asami decides. Today she would be brave enough to be herself, at least around a small group of people.

 

 _I like girls and that's okay,_ she repeats in her head over and over like a sacred mantra. She smiles to herself, remembering Saturday night. If she could yell her secret out to an entire city, a group of people who are just like her should be a piece of cake.

 

Asami makes her way to the Student Union and the sun seems to shine more brightly than it ever has before, as if egging Asami on, as if encouraging her to keep moving forward. And she does. 

 

She reaches the Union and rushes up the stairs, barely containing her excitement. She turns the corner and heads towards the cultural centers area, towards the Gender and Sexuality Center, a place the Asami of a few weeks ago would never have been able to even think about visiting.

 

The door is right ahead of her, just a few feet away when Asami stops abruptly and turns on her heel.

 

 _I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this_ , she thinks as she walks out of the Student Union and towards her car. _What is wrong with me? I'm such a pathetic coward._ Korra would be there, she would be fine, why is she freaking out? She'd finally found a place where she'd belong, where she would be accepted, and she couldn't even cross the threshold.

 

Asami unlocks her car, throws her bag in the back seat, and sits down at the driver's seat, slamming the door after her. As if on autopilot, she drives the familiar route out to the hill, the hill that just a few days ago had seemed to heal her, to make her whole.

 

She reaches the top of the hill, opens the door and lies down on the grass just outside. During the day, without Korra, the hill seems like a completely different place. It's a place filled with ghosts.

 

Images of Asami and her parents, sitting at this very spot, picnicking during the day, stargazing at night, watching the fireworks during the 4th of July play out in front of her, as if she were reliving the days when her mother was still alive and she felt like she had a family.

 

Asami closes her eyes and allows silent tears to stream down her face and she almost feels her mother there, really feels her, wiping her tears away and holding her close.

 

“Mom,” Asami cries, “Why did you have to go?”

 

The moment is gone and Asami feels alone once again. She sits up and wraps her arms around her knees, hugging herself. What would her mother think of her now? What would she say if she knew how far apart Asami and here father are? How would she react towards Asami's secret? This is the question that haunts her most of all.

 

She'd like to imagine that her mother would accept her, unconditionally and without question, but her mother had been just as devout a Christian as her father. The uncertainty eats away at Asami, because there's no way of knowing. Her mother had been stolen away from her by a drunk driver and by god, and now she would never be able to share her secret with the person she loved the most.

 

Asami sits in silence for a few more minutes, looking out at the city illuminated by the sun and blissfully unaware of her suffering. The silence is broken by Asami's vibrating phone. Korra is calling her, and whether it's to hang out or to talk or just to make plans, Asami just can't deal with her right now. She lets the call go to voicemail.

 

 

-

The next day, Asami leaves her class feeling like an utter failure. She'd come such a long way and now it felt as if all the progress she'd made this quarter was completely erased. It was clear that she had been kidding herself, that she'd always be forced to repress herself, to be the perfect heterosexual Christian daughter her father wanted.

 

She's so deep in thought that she passes right by Korra without noticing.

 

“Hey!” Korra yells out after her, “Hey, Asami!” Asami turns around. Korra is holding a stack of fliers, with a stapler perched precariously on top of them, “Wanna help me hang up some fliers? They're for an event we're doing on Coming Out Day”

 

“Coming Out Day?” Asami repeats quietly.

 

“Yeah! On October eleven, you down to help out?” Korra attempts to hand a stack of fliers to Asami, but ends up spilling them all on the floor.

 

“Fuck,” she whispers, bending down to pick them up.

 

Asami takes the opportunity to get away and she starts power walking to her car.

 

“Asami! Asami wait!” Korra leaves the fliers on the ground and races after Asami.

 

Asami ignores her pleas, continuing forward, her face bright red.

 

“Asami, what's going on with you?” Korra catches up with her. She continues to ignore Korra, picking up her pace. _I'm sorry but this is for the best. What was I thinking?_

 

“Asami!!”

 

Asami reaches her car and gets inside. Korra looks at her, visibly upset.

 

 _Can we at least talk about this_ , Korra mouths, miming the action of rolling down a window. Asami looks at Korra and she can't resist. She begrudgingly rolls down her window and turns towards Korra.

 

“What's going on?” Korra snaps at Asami, “What did I do?”

 

“W-what?” Asami stutters, “You didn't do anything”.

 

“Then what is it, huh?” Korra crosses her arms, “Am I too 'gay' for you, is that it?”

 

“No!” Asami exclaims.

“Then explain,” Korra glares back at her.

 

“I,” Asami begins, “I appreciate all you've done for me, but I don't want to be some charity case. I'm fine, I don't need your help,” tears start rolling down her face.

 

“Wha-” Korra falters, “You think that's what you are to me? A fucking charity case?”

 

Asami looks down at her steering wheel.

 

“Asami, I _like_ you,” Asami's heart skips a beat at this, “You're my best friend, probably the best I've ever had”.

 

Asami looks up, “R-really?” she sniffles.

 

“ _Yes_ ,” Korra says exasperated, “Now are you gonna let me in the car or not?”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I'm gonna tell you the real reason I came down to California”.

 

-

 

Korra and Asami are back at the hill, both of them laying on the grass, watching the sun start to set. A cooling wind blows past, making them forget how hot the day had been. Asami closes her eyes, trying to find peace.

 

“It happened when I was fifteen,” Korra starts out of the blue, startling Asami, “I was pretty popular at school, I played a lot of sports, my parents were well known, and my good looks didn't hurt either,” Korra jokes. When Asami doesn't laugh, she sighs and continues, “That all changed halfway into my sophomore year”.

 

“What happened?” Asami asks when Korra falls silent.

 

“I came out,” Korra says flatly.

 

“Oh,” Asami whispers.

 

“I came out and all the people who'd called themselves my friends, my teammates, everyone completely cut me off,” Korra stares straight up at the sky, “Like I said, small towns can be really conservative,” she blinks away a tear and Asami wishes with all her heart that she could kiss it away, “And sometimes it was even worse than being ignored, you know?”

 

Korra's words start coming out faster, as if she were being forcefully compelled to tell this story, “Like this one time, the guys on the soccer team convinced this girl- and like I really liked her, okay? I'd liked her for so long- and like these guys convinced her to ask me out as a joke and she,” Korra catches her breath, “And she came up to me during our mid day passing period, came right up to my locker, and she said, 'So I heard you're gay now', never mind that I had come out as bi, but I was so into her, I ignored it and I just nodded. And she said, I'll never forget this, I still remember what she was wearing. She had like this really cute lavender cardigan thing on and this dress with little beads on the collar and these boots that went up over her knees and anyway, she said 'Do you want to be gay with me?' And I swear the world stopped”.

 

“What happened?,” Asami prompts Korra, who seems lost in the memory.

 

“Well,” Korra continues, “Of course I said yes, I mean this was like a dream come true for me, you know? And then, just as she's reaching out to hug me, the soccer team popped out of nowhere, they'd filmed the whole thing with their phones. And this girl, she's smirking at me and the guys are laughing, and I booked it the fuck out of there, so yeah. That happened”.

 

“So you came down here because you were bullied”.

 

“No,” Korra says, “My parents sent me here because I tried to kill myself”.

 

Asami sits up in shock, “You what?”

 

“Yup,” Korra drawls, “Left a note and everything. Mom found me lying on the ground, with an empty pill bottle in my hand. I was mostly gone by the time they pumped my stomach”.

 

“Korra,” Asami looks down at Korra.

 

“Let me finish,” Korra interrupts her, “So I did independent study and then I graduated at the top of my class and I got the fuck out of there”.

 

The pair sit in silence until Asami asks hesitantly, “Korra. Can I hug you?”

 

“I'd really like that,” Korra says softly and sits up.

 

Asami puts her arms around Korra and rocks her gently, just like her mom used to do to her whenever she'd had a scraped knee or a boy had been mean to her at school. And Korra leans into Asami and sobs.

 

“It's okay,” Asami is the one to say those words this time around, “It's okay, Korra, it's okay. You're safe now, I'm here”.

 

“See?” Korra says her voice muffled by the hug, “You're not just some charity case, I need you too”.

 

 Asami smiles,"I guess we're both pretty fucked up, huh?" She says, stumbling over the unfamiliar curse word.

 

"Yeah," Korra laughs softly, "I guess we are. But you know, Asami?" She continues,  "I feel safe again with you".

 

"Me too," Asami whispers back. 

 

They sit there, holding each other as the sun goes down and the moon comes out.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for Korrasami Week Day 7: Unexpected

Asami gets home just before her curfew, hoping beyond hope that her father had been too preoccupied by his holy musings to notice her absence.

 

Unfortunately, she had no such luck.

 

“Asami,” Her father says, seated on the first stair, “Where have you been?” His voice sounds strained and his hair is mussed, as if he'd been running his hands through it anxiously.

 

“Dad,” Asami thinks up a quick lie, “One of my friends had a break down and so I ministered to her. I think I really got her thinking about going to church with us someday soon”.

 

Her father gives a smile that looks more like a grimace, “I'm very proud of you, but for all that is holy, please call or text me when you're not coming home at the usual time”.

 

“Yes, dad,” Asami nods.

 

“I thought,” her father chokes out, “I thought you were-”

 

“Oh, dad,” Asami walks over to her father puts her arms around him as he sobs, “I'll call you next time, I promise”.

 

“Thank you. I don't know what I'd do if you- what I'd do if I lost you”.

 

“I'm right here,” Asami whispers.

 

“Thank God”.

 

-

 

Asami lies on her bed later that night, processing the day's events. She felt herself torn in two as she'd never felt before. On the one hand, she had Korra. Beautiful, complicated, strong Korra, who made her feel as if she could do anything, including being herself. On the other hand was her father, broken and alone. Asami knows that if anything were to change, if she were to stop living this double life and truly be herself, he'd break completely.

 

_What do I do?_ Asami asks herself. When she thinks and thinks and thinks and comes up with nothing, she decides to sleep. It would be a problem for another day.

 

-

 

The next day, Asami trudges into class bleary eyed. She hadn't gotten much sleep that night, her anxiety keeping her up until the sun rose.

 

Korra looks up from her sketchbook and smiles at Asami hesitantly, as if afraid that yesterday's events would scare Asami away. In response, Asami sits down next to Korra and smiles at her.

 

“How's the cover art going?” Asami leans over her desk to peek into the book.

 

“Uh,” Korra slams the book shut, “Not so great, trust me, you don't want to see this, it's awful”.

 

“I'm sure it can't be that bad,” Asami rolls her eyes.

 

“Well-” Korra starts, but Kya walks in and class begins.

 

-

 

After class, Asami walks Korra to the Student Union. They say their goodbyes and once Korra goes in, Asami lingers, trying to decide which direction to keep walking in. _Should I follow Korra or should I just go home?_ Korra had called her her best friend, she'd said that she'd needed Asami too, and for once Asami trusted someone completely.

 

She picks up her phone and calls her father.

 

“Dad, I'm going to be home a bit late”.

 

-

 

 

Korra's face lights up as Asami walks through the door of the Gender and Sexuality Center.

 

“Asami!” She calls out gleefully as she makes room for Asami to sit on the floor next to her, “You came!” And Korra looks so genuinely happy that for a moment, Asami forgets about everything. She forgets about her father, and her inner struggle, about everything that had been tormenting her for the last few months.

 

“I did,” Asami smiles back. _Oh my god, I came_ , and just like that, Asami's fears come rushing back. She looks around the room, at the students sitting on the floor, on tables, on couches that look ancient. _What am I doing here? What if they hate me because I don't know anything about- that. What if I embarrass myself? What if dad comes to check on me?_ This last thought, ridiculous as it is, makes Asami's blood run cold.

 

As if sensing her turmoil, Korra puts her hand on Asami's and smiles gently at her, “You okay?” she asks.

 

Asami swallows her fear and nods.

 

“Awesome,” Korra stands up and gathers the other student's attention, “Everyone,” She motions to Asami, “This is my friend, Asami,” Asami gives a small wave, “Try not to scare her away,” Korra glares jokingly at the crowd.

 

Korra sits back down. “Are we starting?” Asami whispers.

 

“Nah,” Korra rolls her eyes, “We have to wait for Mr. President to show up”.

 

“Who?”

 

“You'll meet him soon enough,” Korra waves her hand dismissively, “Meanwhile, let me introduce you to some people,” she stands up and grabs Asami's hand, pulling her up after her.

 

And so, Korra introduces Asami to her small circle of friends. Asami meets Wu, an eccentric, dark skinned senior dressed completely in green and sporting taffeta pantaloons, who insists on kissing her hand upon introducing himself. She meets Bolin, who wears a t-shirt that states “They/them/theirs” and who hugs her a bit too enthusiastically, and their girlfriend Opal, who graciously gets them to let go and then shakes Korra's hand. Next is Tahno, the absurdly tall graduate student who just nods at her coolly. Finally, she's introduced to Kai and Jinora, a pair of adorable freshman girls who take their hands off each other just long enough to shake hands with Asami.

“Aaaand that's about it,” Korra and Asami sit back down.

 

“That's it?” Asami looks a Korra inquisitively.

 

“Yup,” Korra nods, “You've seen how I am in class. Being a know it all jackass like that doesn't exactly make you a lot of friends”.

 

“It made me your friend,” Asami says, bumping Korra's shoulder with her own.

 

“Yeah,” Korra looks at Asami and then back down at her hands, “It did”.

 

“He's here!” Bolin shouts, and a tall, angry looking young man with strangely shaped eyebrows walks in. “Mako!” Bolin waves exuberantly at strange eyebrow guy.

 

“Keep it down, Bolin,” he says rolling his eyes.

 

“Hey, Mako,” Korra smiles at Mako hesitantly.

 

“Korra,” Mako says stiffly and nods in her direction. He then walks to the other side of the room and sets down his leather messenger bag.

 

Asami leans over and whispers, “Is he the-”

 

“Yeah,” Korra sighs. Asami looks from Korra to Mako. _She must still like him,_ her stomach drops.

 

 

 

Wu walks over to Mako, stands on his tip toes and gives the other man a kiss. Mako's face softens slightly and he returns the kiss.

 

“Okay break it up you two,” Bolin interrupts the pair, “You're already late”.

 

“Alright, alright,” Mako faces the group, “Hey everyone,” he says formally, “Welcome to any new members and guests,” it's as if he's reading from a script, a very poorly written one at that. “Let's get started here,” he turns to Opal, “Opal, how are things going with the t-shirts for Coming Out day?”

 

“Oh!” Opal turns around and picks up a large brown paper bag, “I have all of ours and I have the order forms for anyone who wants to buy some at the event”.

 

“Sick!” Kai rushes over to Opal, “Can I have mine?” Opal fishes around in the bag until bringing out a black v-neck shirt. Kai immediately puts it on over her dress. _I'm a Trans Lesbian_ , it reads.

 

“Ooh, Opal!” Bolin perks up, “Can I have mine?”

 

“No!” Mako interrupts them, leaving Bolin looking like a kicked puppy, “We'll do it at the end, okay, Bo?” He says in a much softer tone.

 

“Okay,” Bolin pouts and Opal pats them on the back.

 

“We have to focus,” Mako turns back to the crowd.

 

“Poor guy,” Korra leans over to Asami, “He's super stressed”.

 

“Kai and Jinora,” He turns towards the couple, “How's putting up fliers going?” Kai flips him a thumbs up.

 

“They're all up,” Jinora says.

 

“Except for the ones Korra lost,” Kai interjects. Jinora shushes her.

 

“It's fine,” Korra shrugs, “It was my bad”.

 

“Korra,” Mako turns towards her almost reluctantly, “How's the cover art going? Do you have your sketchbook?”

 

“Right here,” Korra pats her backpack, “I'm still workin' on it”.

 

“Korra!” Mako looks at her exasperatedly, “We only have a few weeks left, we need to get this to the press!”

 

“I know, I know,” Korra sighs, picking at a hole in her jeans, “I just want it to be perfect”.

 

Mako sighs, “Here show me what you have and maybe we can vote on the cover”.

 

“Hold on,” Korra opens her sketchbook and starts ripping out the covers she's drawn.

 

“Korra, we don't have time for you to rip out every single page, just let us see the book,” Mako holds out her hand.

 

“No!” Korra pulls back, “Not all of it is covers, okay?”

 

“So?” Mako grabs the book out of her hands.

 

“Hey!” Korra stands up, glaring up at him, “Give it back!”

 

“Fine, fine,” Mako holds up his hands, “Let me just look-”

 

“No!” Korra makes as if to grab the book back and Mako moves his hand backwards, losing his grip and causing the book to fall down, face up and open on the floor.

 

Asami looks down at the sketchbook and sees something completely unexpected: a drawing of her sitting under a tree, soft afternoon sunlight filtering through and lighting her face up as if she were glowing on the inside.

 

“Korra?” Asami looks up as her friend.

 

Korra looks down, her face bright red. She grabs the sketchbook and bolts out of the center.

 

“Korra wait!” Asami stands up and races after her.

 

Korra takes the stairs two at a time and Asami struggles to catch up, her skirt impeding her progress.

 

“Korra!” she yells again. Korra looks back, her eyes bright with unshed tears. “Korra wait,” Asami says, finally catching up to her friend.

 

“Asami, I can explain,” Korra rubs the back of her head, “You see, I-”

 

“Korra,” Asami interrupts, “you don't have to explain anything if you don't feel comfortable”.

 

“No,” Korra looks down at the ground, “I want to- need to explain. And when I'm done, you can decide whether or not you still want to be my friend”.

 

-

 

Korra and Asami drive once again to the hill and Asami starts to feel as if the ghosts of her old family are starting to fade away, as if the new memories made with Korra are allowing her to let go of it all.

 

They sit on the grass as they had the evening before, and once again, Asami waits for Korra to start.

 

“Here,” Korra hands her sketchbook over to Asami.

 

“I-I can look?” Asami takes it. Korra nods and Asami opens the book.

 

It's true, most of the pages are indeed potential covers for the zine, but interspersed with them, Asami finds herself. The drawings she finds show her in a way she could never manage to quite see herself.

 

_Asami, looking furious in the moonlight, standing bravely, as if facing down an army, yelling her secret out to the world._

 

_Asami, looking down at her notes, lost in thought, her brows furrowed in concentration._

 

_Asami, looking directly at the viewer, a soft, affectionate look on her face, the setting sun lighting her up in a fiery blush of red, of orange, of colors that Asami doesn't even have names for._

 

_Asami, Asami, Asami._

 

She looks up at Korra in wonder, “Is this really how you see me?”

 

Korra nods silently, tearing grass up out of the ground, her gaze firmly fixed on the little piles of grass she's accumulated.

 

“Korra,” Asami flips through the sketchbook once again, looking at the dates on the bottom of the pages “Some of these are from before we met”.

 

Korra nods once again.

 

“Korra!” Asami snaps the book shut, “Look at me!”

 

And at last, Korra looks up, biting her lip nervously.

 

“You said you would explain,” Asami says, her heart speeding up. _Could it be?_ _No, she clearly still ha_ _s_ _feelings for Mako._

 

“I did,” Korra looks up at the bright blue sky, “Okay,” she takes a deep breath, “Asami,” she pauses and Asami nods encouragingly, “It's like I told you the other day, I like you”.

 

“Yeah,” Asami whispers, “You called me your best friend”.

 

“Yeah but,” Korra tears out a massive chunk of grass and throws it, “It's not just that”.

 

“What is it then?”

 

“I _like_ you, I've always liked you, from the moment I saw you Spring quarter, sitting under that tree. I stopped and I drew you,” Korra chuckles, “I was late for class, but it was worth it. And then I couldn't stop drawing you, you were so gorgeous but it was more than that, you know? There was something about you, something that just pulled me in. And then when you sat down next to me in class, I almost lost my mind. Asami,” and at last Korra looks over at Asami, “I like you so, so much, I can't take it”.

 

“Korra-” Asami can hardly believe her ears, is this a dream?

 

“And I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore,” Korra looks up, fighting back tears.

 

Asami doesn't say a word. Instead, she hugs Korra, practically tackling her, and both of them are on the ground, staring at each other wordlessly, the afternoon breeze caressing them.

 

“Korra,” Asami scoots closer to Korra who looks at her in wonder, “Korra,” Asami touches her forehead to Korra's, “I like you too”.

 

Korra leans forward to close the gap between them, and just like that, Asami has her first kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the art thing is such a trope, but what can I say? I fucking love it.


	5. Chapter 5

The next few weeks could only be described as “blissful”.

 

Asami attends the GSC Meetings every week, helping with the lights and sound, her engineering expertise coming into play. She finds herself drawn deeply into the group who surround her with nothing but love and acceptance, giving her more friends than she's ever had before. She goes out to boba with Opal, talks rock climbing with Bolin, goes on a double date with Jinora and Kai, and even gets coffee with Mako a few times. Asami has more happiness than she knows what to do with. But that's just the beginning.

 

After class everyday, she and Korra lay on the grass, under the tree where Korra first saw her. Korra lays her head in Asami's lap, doodling in her sketchbook. And everyday, Asami plays with Korra's hair, braiding it and running her fingers through it as the other girl draws.

 

“Asami,” Korra says one such lazy afternoon, “How would you feel about posing for me?”

 

“Posing?” Asami stops playing with Korra's hair and looks down in shock, “Haven't you drawn enough pictures of me?” she smiles playfully.

 

“Well yeah, I mean, no. I can never draw you enough,” the pair look into each other's eyes for a brief moment before Korra continues on, “But I mean really pose, not just me being a creep and drawing you candidly, you know?”

 

“O-oh,” Asami gasps. _What is posing like? Am I really beautiful enough to be a model? What if- does she want me to pose nude?_ Asami blushes at the thought and something warm and unknown stirs within her. Korra must interpret that blush as shyness because she says,

 

“Don't, worry, Asami,” she sits up and presses her forehead to Asami's, “it's okay if you don't want to,” she kisses Asami's nose, “you're just so beautiful”.

 

Asami blush intensifies and she kisses Korra on the lips to try and hide how flustered she is, “Okay,” she whispers.

 

“Awesome,” Korra grins and stands up, “Let's go!”

 

“Right now?” Asami looks up at Korra bemusedly.

 

“Yes!” Korra reaches a hand down to help Asami up.

 

“Okay, let me just call my dad,” Asami takes Korra's hand.

 

-

 

Asami procures her father's permission and she and Korra drive to Korra's house, leaving Asami's car in the school parking lot.

 

“Here we are,” Korra parks her Jeep and unlocks the doors, “Home, sweet home,” she gets out and opens Asami's door, taking her hand and pulling her towards the apartment complex in front of them. She's so excited, she nearly forgets to close the door.

 

Korra leads Asami up a series of steps and down a narrow walkway before stopping in front of a door.

 

“Okay,” she turns to Asami gravely, “Prepare yourself”.

 

“Prepare myself?” Asami asks as Korra unlocks the door, “For what?”

 

The words have barely left her mouth before Korra opens the door and a flash of white zooms towards them.

 

“Naga!” Korra opens her arms to hug the giant white dog, but Naga opts to ignore her and launches herself at Asami instead.

 

“Oof!” Asami finds herself on the ground, her face being assaulted by a large, wet tongue, “Hey there,” she laughs.

 

“Naga no!” Korra runs over and pulls Naga back by the collar, dragging her back into the house. “I am so sorry,” she yells from inside.

 

“It's okay,” Asami stands up and dusts herself off, “She's sweet”.

 

“That's one way to put it,” Korra grumbles, holding Naga by the collar as Asami walks inside.

 

Korra closes the door behind her, and leans down towards Naga, “Be a good girl and I'll let you say hi, got it?” Naga barks once in reply and Korra lets her go.

 

Asami braces herself for the incoming attack, but it doesn't come. Instead, Naga walks over to her slowly, her head down, as if ashamed for her previous behavior. “Hey,” Asami crouches down and puts out her hand, letting Naga sniff and lick it, “Nice to meet you, Naga,” she pets Naga's head affectionately, scratching her behind her ears.

 

“Good girl,” Korra grins over at them, “Come here Naga!” Naga reluctantly walks over to Korra and looks up at her expectantly, “I'll be down with Asami soon, but you need to hang out down here for a bit, okay?” Naga barks and walks over to her bed in the corner of the room, curling up in it. Korra looks over at Asami, “Let's go up to my room, yeah?”

 

Asami nods and follows Korra upstairs. What would Korra's room be like? Asami finds her heart racing faster as she thinks about Korra's room, especially her bed. She and Korra hadn't gone beyond kissing, in fact, they hadn't even made out yet, and Asami finds herself feeling strangely and sinfully dissatisfied at that. _Stop that_ , she scolds herself.

 

They reach the top of the stairs and Korra opens up a door covered in band posters and doodles.

 

“Okay, so it's a bit of a mess,” Korra warns Asami.

 

Asami walks in and soon discovers that “a bit,” is an understatement. Clothes are strew around the room, making the floor nearly impossible to see. The walls are covered in even more posters and artwork. Korra's desk is hidden beneath a piles upon piles of papers and art supplies.

 

“Sorry, sorry,” Korra flits around the room, picking up clothes and throwing it into a hamper in the corner of the room.

 

“It's fine,” Asami says dazedly, still taking it in, all thoughts of making out driven from her mind by this tornado of a room.

 

“Here,” Korra cleans off her bed and makes it haphazardly, “You sit there,” Korra opens up all her windows, “And let me get the lighting right here,” she takes out her sketchbook and some charcoal, “and we're ready”.

 

“Okay?” Asami says, sitting at the edge of the bed, “What should I do?”

 

“Ummm,” Korra looks around the room and picks up an old looking book, “Lay on the bed and read this, okay?”

 

“Got it,” Asami takes the book and looks down at it. _Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair, by Pablo Neruda_. She lays on the bed and opens the book up to the first page.

 

_**Body of a Woman** _

_Body of a woman, white hills, white thighs_

_You Look like a world lying in surrender_

_My rough peasant's body digs in you_

_and makes the sun leap from the depths of the earth_

 

_I was alone like a tunnel. The birds fled from me,_

_and night swamped with it's crushing invasion_

_To survive myself I forged you like a weapon,_

_like an arrow in my bow, a stone in my sling._

_But the hour of vengeance falls, and I love you._

 

_Body of skin, of moss, of eager and firm milk._

_Oh the goblets of the breast! Oh the eyes of absence!_

_Oh the roses of the pubi-_

 

Asami hurriedly slams the book shut, face bright red as that unfamiliar warmth invades her body once again.

 

“Everything okay?” Korra stops drawing and looks up at Asami.

 

“Y-yeah,” Asami nods, “I just need to use the restroom”.

 

“Okay! It's just down the hall”.

 

“Kay,” Asami stands up and walks to the bathroom. Once there, she stares into the mirror. Her pupils are dilated and her cheeks are a red she's never even seen before. _What's wrong with me?_ Asami splashes water on her face, which calms her enough so that she can return to Korra's room.

 

“Hey,” she walks in and stares at the ground rather than at Korra.

 

“Hey,” Korra smiles back, “Ready to get back to work?”

 

“Can I have another book?” Asami says hurriedly.

 

“Um sure,” Korra blinks at Asami in surprise before rummaging through a pile of books, “Guess Neruda's not for everyone,” she mumbles. She hands Asami a book.

 

_selected_ _poem_ _s by e.e. cummings_

 

She lays back on the bed again and opens the book to a page that has been dogeared.

 

_somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond_

_any experience,your eyes have their silence:_

_in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,_

_or which i cannot touch because they are too near_

 

_your slightest look easily will unclose me_

_though i have closed myself as fingers,_

_you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens_

_(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose_

 

_or if your wish be to close me,i and_

_my life will shut very beautifully,suddenly,_

_as when the heart of this flower inagines_

_the snow carefully everywhere descending;_

 

_nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals_

_the power of your intense fragility:whose texture_

_compels me with the colour of its countries,_

_rendering death and forever with each breathing_

 

_(i do not know what it is about you that closes_

_and opens;only something in me understands_

_the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)_

_nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands_

 

At the bottom of the page is a small A inside a heart. Asami feels a different kind of warmth this time, one that comes from deep within her heart and spreads throughout her entire body, as if _she_ were the unfurling flower.

 

She looks over at Korra deep in concentration, her fingers covered in charcoal, and Asami knows, without a doubt, that she is completely and totally in love with Korra.

 


	6. Chapter 6

 Korra drives Asami back to school, but Asami isn't ready to say goodbye just yet.

 

“Let's go to the hill,” she suggests, a soft smile on her face. Korra nods and smiles back, and just like that, they're both driving up the hill, Asami following Korra in her own car.

 

Asami takes a deep breath, after today's events, things with Korra feel different somehow, what with Asami's realization and her run in with Neruda. She can feel her pulse quicken and her breath shorten and she berates herself. _This is Korra, you don't need to be nervous around Korra,_ but she can't seem to shake the uneasy feeling that has taken control of her.

 

Korra and Asami drive up the hill and park, and Asami takes a deep breath before getting out of the car. _It's going to be okay_ , she reassures herself. She walks over to Korra, and suddenly she truly _feels_ their nearness. Korra is just inches, just a half step away, it would be so easy to close the gap between them, to come together, to be one and the same just like Neruda wrote about and Asami finds herself unable to resist. She takes the half step and presses her lips against Korra, not in the sweet, cute way they've been kissing lately, but with hunger and urgency.

 

“Mmph!” Korra steps back, caught by surprise, but then returns Asami's kiss with the same hunger, grabbing her by waist and bringing her even closer. They take their time, tasting, savoring each other, taking the time to really feel their lips up against each other. They kiss as if this were their last day on earth, as if every kiss would be their last. They kiss as if they'd never see each other again.

 

Asami feels that strange warmth stir within her once again, and she gives an involuntary shiver.

 

“You cold?” Korra smiles up at Asami.

 

Asami nods, not wanting to disclose the real reason behind her shiver.

 

“Do you want to-” and for the first time since Asami's known her, Korra looks shy and uncertain, “Do you want to continue in the Jeep?”

 

Asami nods again, not letting herself think, not wanting this, whatever this is, to end.

 

“Come on,” Korra grins, her confidence back. She opens the Jeep and takes Asami's hand, pulling her into the backseat, “Make yourself comfortable, m'lady,” Korra gestures grandly once they're both inside, and Asami settles in, allowing herself to catch her breath. She looks over at Korra and grins. She doesn't know what has come over her, but she suddenly feels confident, comfortable in her body in a way she hasn't felt in years.

 

“Come here,” she smiles up at Korra, and Korra is on top of her, kissing her lips, her neck, her jaw, fingers playing with her long black hair.

 

“Asami,” Korra sighs, and Asami's lips part. Korra slides her tongue between them, and Asami attempts to reciprocate, jamming her tongue into Korra's mouth. “Asami!” Korra pulls back and laughs, “Don't try to stab me with your tongue. We're kissing, not having a tongue battle”.

 

“O-oh,” Asami turns as red as her blouse, “Sorry,”.

 

“Don't be,” Korra presses her forehead to Asami's, “You just need a bit of practice”.

 

Asami smiles and leans up to kiss Korra, “Show me how,” she whispers.

 

“Well first of all,” Korra pauses to kiss Asami, “You need to relax. Soften your tongue, relax your mouth”.

 

“Like this?” Asami reaches up and kisses Korra, parting her mouth once again, this time keeping her tongue soft and relaxed.

 

“Well done, pupil Asami,” Korra smiles softly, stroking Asami's hair, “But not perfect”.

 

“Practice makes perfect,” Asami grins devilishly and they kiss once more.

 

-

 

They stay like that for a while, making out, talking, making out some more until after the sun goes down and Asami needs to go home.

 

She drives back to her place, her mind back in Korra's jeep, her lips tingling and her hair mussed. To her surprise, she doesn't feel nearly as sinful as she had thought she would after all she did. Instead she feels right and pure and eternal. After all, how could something as beautiful as what she and Korra had done possibly be a sin?

 

Asami walks up to her house, struggling to hide the grin that insists on playing across her lips, doing her best not to skip up to the door in glee. She climbs up the stairs and finds her father asleep at his desk once again. As has become routine, she puts a blanket around his shoulders and leaves him be, but not before glancing at his sermon notes.

 

“For the Wages of Sin is Death,” reads the title. Asami finds herself rolling her eyes at the dramaticism and continues reading, “We are none of us free from sin. Every single man, woman, and child has done something wrong, has betrayed God himself. And I pray for these poor souls every night. I pray for every liar, for every thief, for everyone living in sin. I pray for the homosexual activists and the-”.

 

Asami stops reading and braces herself for the wave of pain that normally accompanies this sort of talk, but she finds that the love inside of her, the light that glows within her, is enough to counter the hateful writing. She feels at peace.

 

-

 

Asami lays in her bed listening to a Joy Division cd that Korra had lent her. She has to tell Korra about her feelings, but how? What if Korra doesn't feel the same way? What if it's too soon? Asami swallows her fears and decides that sometime soon she will tell Korra how much she loves her.

-

 

The portrait sitting and the subsequent making out become a twice weekly routine for Asami and Korra. Each time, the time spent drawing grows shorter and shorter and the makeout sessions become more and more intense. It's one of these afternoons that Asami finds herself straddling Korra on her bed, kissing her passionately.

 

“'Sami,” Korra sighs, laying back on the bed.

 

“Korra,” Asami sighs back, kissing Korra's neck. She looks down at Korra, who is lying with her eyes shut, her cheeks red, and her lips slightly parted. “Korra,” Asami repeats, completely overwhelmed by the sight before her. She doesn't know when she's something so beautiful, so perfect. She is completely overcome with a rush of affection for Korra and before she can stop herself, she says, “I love you, Korra”.

 

Korra opens her eyes in shock and sits up. “Y-you do?”

 

Asami nods silently, berating herself for her lack of judgment. “It's okay if you don't feel the same way,” she says hurriedly, “I just- I just had to say it”.

 

“Asami, Asami look at me,” Korra strokes Asami's cheek. Asami looks up at Korra hesitantly, and Korra says, “I love you too”.


	7. To the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Korra and Asami go on their first real date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, two apologies:
> 
> 1\. Sorry about the delay, my life has been a mess. 
> 
> 2\. I'm switching to first person because I'm actually trying to convert this piece into a novel that i'm going to publish, I'm really sorry if that bugs you, but it's a lot easier for me. 
> 
> Enjoy!

I go home that night positively glowing. Korra loves me! She loves me, even though I'm shy and awkward and scared all the time. Brave, incredible Korra loves _me._

 

I unlock the front door of the apartment, taking care to open the door slowly. Dad's probably asleep by now and the last thing I want to do is wake him up and have to explain where I've been. I creep up the stairs and peek into my father's room. He's hunched over his desk, chin in his hand sighing over his sermon notes. Has he even noticed that I've been gone?

 

“Dad?” I stand in the doorway. He doesn't reply, “Dad?” I ask again. He looks up with a start and looks at me as if he doesn't recognize me, “Dad?” I ask again.

 

“A-Asami,” he says softly, “Come in, sweetie”.

 

I comply and put my hand on his shoulder, “Is everything okay, Dad?”

 

Dad sighs, “I was just thinking about your mother. Her birthday's next week and it's just hard, you understand”.

 

“Yeah,” I feel a bit guilty. I've been so caught up in Korra that I had completely forgotten that Mom's birthday was coming up, “We'll go visit her, Dad”.

 

He smiles up at me and nods.

 

“I'm going to bed,” I smile back, “You get some rest too”.

 

Dad nods.

 

-

 

The next day is Friday. I have the day off so I decide to catch up on some homework and chores. At least that's the plan before Korra calls me.

 

“Hey,” I answer my phone.

 

“Asami! What are you doing tonight?”

 

“Nothing, I think. Why?”

 

“Well, I was thinking”.

 

“Never a good sign,” I joke.

 

“Shut up!” Korra laughs, “I've been thinking that, well, we've never had a real date before, you know? I mean we had that double date, but I wanted to do something, just the two of us. So I wanted to maybe change that tonight?” Korra sounds nervous, as if there were some possibility of me saying “no”.

 

“I'd love that,” I say softly.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah!” I bounce on my toes, “What time did you want to do this date thing?”

 

“Well, I was thinking we could do this date thing at like five? If that works for you?”

 

“Sounds good, let me just tell my dad what's up”.

 

“Sweet! I'll start getting everything ready for tonight”.

 

“Wait, what exactly are we doing?”

 

“You'll see. Oh! And see if you can extend your curfew a bit.”

 

“I'll try”.

 

“Awesome,” Korra hangs up the phone.

 

What with our date coming up, I find it almost impossible to focus on my homework, I'm so excited. I try to finish my stats homework before finally giving up and shutting my textbook. The clock reads 2 and I sigh. Three hours to go. Time seems to drag on all afternoon. I try reading, watching Netflix, listening to the mix cd Korra had given me, but nothing can make time move faster so eventually I just lie down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

 

And then, _at last_ , it's 4:30 and I decide I'd better ask Dad for permission.

 

“Dad?” I knock on his door.

 

“Come in!”

 

“Dad,” I open the door, “Some of my friends from Christian Club wanted to get together tonight. Is it okay if I join them?”

 

“Of course,” he smiles, “I'm so glad you're making friends who aren't unequally yoked”.

 

I try to smile back, but can't quite do it.

 

“Oh, and dad?”

 

“Yes, sweetheart?”

 

“I was wondering,” I look down at my hands and then back up at him, “Is it okay if I come home a bit later tonight? Maybe 10 or 10:30?”

 

“Asami,” Dad said gravely, “You know there's a reason why you have a curfew”.

 

“I know, Daddy, I was just hoping that tonight-”

 

“Asami, absolutely not!”

 

“Don't you trust me?” I ask, frustrated.

 

“It's not you I don't trust, it's everyone else. Your curfew is 9:30 and that's final”.

 

“But Dad”.

 

“Asami,” My dad says firmly, “Enough. I don't want to hear anymore. You can go out tonight, but I need you home by 9:30, understood?”

 

“Yes, Dad,” I sigh and walk out the door, tears threatening to fill my eyes.

 

As I walk back to my room, my phone rings

 

“Here!” Korra calls out when I answer.

 

“Coming!” I hang up, grab my purse and run down the stairs, not bothering to say goodbye to my dad.

 

-

 

“Are you ready to be swept off your feet?” Korra asks once I'm in the jeep. She's dressed in a button up shirt and black skinny jeans, a bow tie around her neck. Suddenly I feel woefully underdressed in my t-shirt and shorts.

 

“Swept off my feet?” I raise an eyebrow.

 

“Mhm,” Korra reaches into the backseat and pulls out a bouquet of sunflowers, “M'lady”.

 

“Oh!” I take the flowers, “Korra, you didn't have to-”

 

“I wanted to,” she grins and puts the car in drive, “I want this to be the best date you've ever been on”.

 

“Well, it's the first real date I'll ever be on, so...”

 

“Shut up!” Korra laughs and pulls out onto the street, “Just you wait, you're gonna love this”.

 

It's one of those hazy Los Angeles days where it seems like the sun will never set and the day will go on forever. There's not a cloud in the sky, which is a shade of blue that seems unreal. Korra drives out onto the freeway, heading west towards Hollywood.

 

“Where are we going?”

 

“You'll see,” Korra grins, leaning over to turn the radio onto the local public access station.

 

“I can't wait!” I bounce in my seat and Korra laughs.

 

“God, you're cute when you're excited”.

 

“I'm always cute,” I say primly.

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure,” Korra rolls her eyes.

 

 _It's been 3 months to the day since the Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality_ , the woman on the radio says, _but opponents of the move have not given up. We have with us today Pastor Hiroshi Sato, lead pastor of the-_

 

Korra changes the channel until landing on the local rock station. We sit in silence as she drives about 10 miles over the speed limit.

 

“That your dad?” she says finally.

 

“Yeah,” I nod, “That's my dad”.

 

“Oh”.

 

“Yeah”.

 

My mood is utterly ruined. Even when he's not around, I'm not safe from my father's judgement. _Goddammit_ , I take the Lord's name in vain for the first time in my life, _this isn't fair_.

 

“Asami?” Korra breaks the silence as a Bon Iver track plays in the background.

 

“Yeah?” I whisper back.

 

“Don't let this ruin your night, okay? I want us to have a good time”.

 

I nod.

 

“You're going to have the time of your life, promise”.

 

I smile a bit at this, touched by Korra' concern.

 

“I can't wait”.

 

-

 

Finally, Korra exits the freeway and drives through a wealthy looking residential area.

 

“Wow,” I say as we pass by a particularly beautiful house, “Where are we?”

 

“Oh this place doesn't matter,” Korra keeps her eyes on the road, “just wait until we get there”.

 

I know better than to ask where we're going, Korra has be determined to keep her silence and I've given up on getting anything out of her.

 

We pass by an auditorium and into a slightly wooded area. I've lived in L.A. county my whole life, but I had no idea we had a forest in the middle of the city. Korra drives up a hill and pulls over once she sees other cars parked on the side of the road.

 

“It's going to be a bit of a walk,” she turns off the car, “But the parking lot is probably full as fuck, so you've gotta deal with it”.

 

“I don't think a bit of a walk is going to kill me,” I open the door and hop out.

 

“Good,” Korra follows suit, “Let's go,” she takes my hand and guides me up the road. We walk in silence for a few minutes until we hit the parking lot Korra must have been talking about. “Okay,” she stops, “Now close your eyes”.

 

“Okay?” I comply and Korra covers my eyes with her hands.

 

“No peeking allowed!”

 

“Okay, okay,” I laugh swatting her hands away, “I promise I won't look”.

 

“Good,” Korra takes my hand again, “Follow me”.

 

She guides me for a bit before stopping. “Okay,” she lets go and then turns me around, “Now look”.

 

The view is breathtaking. The immesurably large orange sun is sinking over the horizon, downtown sillouheted against its brilliance. A flock of birds flies its way home, soaring across the sky. That warm Los Angeles breeze blows past, caressing my face.

 

“Oh, Korra,” I lean back against her, “This is amazing”.

 

“It gets better,” she kisses my cheek, “Now turn this way,” she turns me so that I'm facing a beautiful white building, one I've only seen in pictures.

 

“The observatory!” I exclaim, “I've always wanted to come here, but my dad would never let me! Oh my god, thank you so much!” I turn and hug Korra.

 

Korra laughs, “Well you told me about how you and your mom would stargaze in the summers, so I thought you might like this”.

 

“I love it!” And in that moment, I feel invincible, so I lean down and kiss Korra smack on the lips, not caring about the crowd or what they might think, “Thank you,” I whisper, resting my forehead against Korra'.

 

“Let's go inside?”

 

“Yeah!” I take Korra' hand and guide her inside. “Have you been here before?”

 

“Mako took me here on one of our dates”.

 

“Oh,”

 

“He hated it,” Korra shrugs, “He's never been much of a science person”.

 

“But science is so fun! And amazing!”

 

Korra smiles and puts her hand on my cheek, “You, Asami Sato, are the amazing one”.

 

I blush and turn before stopping to look at a golden ball hanging from the ceiling.

 

“They have a foucalt pendulum here?” I walk towards the exhibit, a round hole in the ground that looks like a clock, the golden ball hanging right above the bottom.

 

“Yeah what is that thing?” Korra follows me.

 

“It shows the earth's rotation, watch,” I point to the small, black metal rectangles standing on one end of the clock. “The pendulum swings back and forth freely and the earth rotates below it, so after a while,” I stop as the gold ball hits one of the rectangles, knocking it over, “that'll happen. As time passes, the ball hits more and more of those rectangles and the Earth spins below it. Isn't it amazing? Something so simple gives us proof that even though we can't feel it, we're spinning incredibly fast”.

 

“Woah,” Korra watches the pendulum swing, “How do you know this stuff?”

 

“I'm an engineering major, Korra. It's my job to know these things”.

 

“Right,” Korra laughs, “Well they have something called a Tesla Coil you might want to see”.

 

“A Tesla Coil?” I perk up, “Where?”

 

“Follow me,” and so we explore the observatory together, reading exhibits, looking at meteorites and the camera obscura, soaking it all in.

 

Finally, when we've seen everything we possibly can, Korra guides me back outside.

 

“The night isn't over yet,” She grins. Large telescopes have been set up on the observatory lawn and people are milling around, lining up to look into them.

 

“Oh!” I gasp.

 

“They're having a star party tonight,” Korra explains, “So they're going to let us look through a whole bunch of professional grade telescopes”. It's all I can do to stop myself from jumping up and down. My mom had always wanted a telescope but we'd always been too poor to afford one. For one brief, sharp moment, I feel the full weight of her loss, but Korra' smiling face brings me back to the present.

 

“Let's go look?” she asks. I nod and we run to the first telescope.

 

-

After looking through all the telescopes, we lie on the grass, looking up at the stars with our naked eyes, my hand in hers. The stars surround us, and I swear I can here them sing. I sigh happily. Now, at least for this very moment, the entire universe feels at peace. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for a homophobic sermon. The sermon is basically a collection of direct quotes I heard from my parents' online sermon this morning. 
> 
> Tumblr: hansolosmother
> 
> Peach: Korrasato
> 
> I'm currently taking fic commissions, message me if you're interested!
> 
> I track the tag fic: the secrets we share.
> 
> Edit!: IMPORTANT, For some reason, chapter 5 never posted! So please go back and read chapter 5. Thanks!

We drive home that night, music turned down low. We sit in silence, not because we have nothing to say to each other, but because we there's no need for talking at the moment. The road home is quiet and empty and I bask in my happiness. Today has been perfection.

 

Korra pulls up to my house and we turn and look at each other.

 

_ Whenever I'm alone with you. You make me feel like I am home again, _ plays over the radio.

 

“Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again,” Korra softly sings along as she looks me in the eye. She moves closer to me, touching her forehead to mine, “Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am young again,” she kisses me deeply, her hand unbuckling my seatbelt.

 

“However far away,” she kisses my forehead, “I will always love you. However long I stay, I will always love you,” she kisses my lips , “Whatever words I say, I will always love you, I will always love you”. My lips catch hers again and we kiss more deeply than we have before. I close my eyes and relax into the kiss, ignoring the fact that it’s an hour past my curfew, my anxieties nowhere to be found. All that matters is the here and now. That is until Korra pulls away hurridly and I hear a knock on the car window. 

 

“Fuck,” Korra whispers as I turn around in a panic. My dad stands outside of the car, peering in through the window.

 

I take a few moments to collect myself before rolling down the window. 

 

“Dad!” I say before he can get a word in, “This is Korra, the girl I’ve been ministering to that I’ve told you about! We were just praying together, and I just invited her to church and she said yes! Isn’t that great?”

 

“Oh,” My dad blinks, “Well nice to meet you, Korra. I’m glad you’ve agreed to come to church this Sunday, but it is an hour past Asami’s curfew and I’ve been worried sick,” He looks pointedly at me. 

 

“I’m sorry, sir. It won’t happen again,” Korra says, “I’d better get going home too. See you at church,” she smiles. 

 

I get out of the car and wave goodbye to Korra. It feels off not kissing her goodbye instead, but it can’t be helped. 

 

“Let’s go, Asami,” Dad walks to the house and I follow him. 

 

“Asami,” he starts once we’re inside, “I appreciate your zeal for the Lord, but don’t forget that you must honor your parents as well. I was worried sick! And you promised me this wouldn’t happen!” 

 

“I’m sorry, Dad,” I look down at the floor, “I just got so caught up, I didn’t even notice the time”. And it’s true. I get so caught up in Korra that time loses its meaning. 

 

“It better not happen again,” Dad moves forward and pulls me in for a hug, “This curfew is for your own good. Drunk drivers go out at night. I don’t want to lose you,” I sigh and hug him back. 

 

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper. 

 

“Just don’t let it happen again,” he sighs, “Now go to bed, it’s late”. I nod and pull away. 

 

As I lay in bed, I try to feel some sort of vestigial happiness left over from the date, but with the looming threat of church tomorrow, my anxieties chase anything resembling happiness away. I text Korra the address to my church and turn around, trying to sleep. It doesn’t work.

 

Tomorrow arrives all too soon. I haven’t slept at all and it shows when I look in the mirror. I try to fix this with my normal makeup routine, but I can’t quite cover up the bags under my eyes. I put on one of my church dresses and walk downstairs, hoping for a cup of coffee. My dad sits at the kitchen table, looking over his sermon notes as he drinks his tea. Out of curiosity, I look down to see what the sermon is about, and immediately my blood runs cold. It’s a sermon about sexual immorality. I send Korra a quick warning via text but she doesn’t reply. I hope to god that she doesn’t come. I don’t want to put her through this. 

 

I’m so nervous that I can’t even eat breakfast, choosing instead to down a glass of water in an attempt to calm myself. 

 

We pull up to the church parking lot and I see Korra’s familiar jeep parked in the visitor’s parking spot. My heart drops and it’s all I can do to get out of the car and walk to the church building. Korra stands outside, waiting for my dad to unlock the door. 

 

“Hello, Korra,” my dad gives her a warm smile, “Thank you for coming early. You’ll be able to keep Asami company while the crew and I set up”. 

 

“Hello, sir,” Korra nods, “It’ll be my pleasure to keep her company,” she smiles at me and I blush, hoping my dad doesn’t notice. 

 

Korra and I step into the building after my dad unlocks it, and I take her to the church foyer, where we have a few couches. We sit and I turn to look at Korra. 

 

“Did you get my text?” I whisper. She nods, “Why did you come?” 

 

“Did you really think I was gonna make you face that alone?” Korra says with a slight shake of her head, “I’m here for you, Asami”. 

 

I have to hold myself back from taking her hand and kissing it. I settle instead for giving her a weak smile, “Thank you”. 

 

“Of course, baby,” she whispers. 

 

I blink, “Did you just call me-” 

 

“Baby? Is that okay? If you don’t like it, it’s co-”

 

“I love it,” I blush. 

 

“Good because I’m going to be saying it a lot more often,” God, I want so badly to take her face in my hands and kiss her. 

 

The clock strikes 10, and it’s time for church to start, so I lead Korra to the sanctuary, where already a crowd is eagerly anticipating my father’s sermon. I get ready to tune out what he has to say as I usually do. We sing a few worship songs together, Korra humming along, not bothering to look at the words on the screen. Then my father leads us in a short prayer, then starts the sermon.

 

“Sexual purity,” he says, “is a beautiful thing. And so is sex, when it is between a wife and a husband. Such sexual intimacy has been blessed by God and mirrors the relationship that God has with the Church”. Korra listens with a bemused look on her face. I focus on Korra, her face, her hands, doing my best not to listen to the sermon, but try as I might, the words keep slipping through my guard. 

 

“We live in an age where this reality is ignored by the people of the world, where they have turned their backs on the kinds of relationships ordained by god and instead relish in fornication and sodomy,” I wince at this, “Let me make one thing clear. Marriage and sex are reserved only for men and for women. Don’t let the world fool you. Don’t let their claims of social justice draw you in. Homosexual relationships are a sin!” My father and I lock eyes and it’s then that I start shaking.  _ He knows he knows he knows _ . 

 

“Asami,” Korra whispers, “Let’s go”. 

 

_ I can’t I can’t I can’t. _

 

She takes my hand and leads me out into the foyer. 

 

“Asami,” I pull my hand out of hers, “I’m taking you home”. I shake my head, “Yes,” she says firmly, “Just tell your dad you got sick or something and that I’m taking care of you, okay?” 

  
I nod and take out my phone, my hands shaking. I send Dad a quick text telling him that I threw up, which given how I feel right now isn’t far from the truth. Korra leads me out to her jeep and drives me to her house in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect a rating change next chapter ;)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note the rating change. ;)
> 
> Tumblr: hansolosmother
> 
> Commissions are open! Message me if you're interested.

-

 

Korra drives us to her house, her hand on my knee as a sob. Her thumb rubs my leg reassuringly.

“It’s going to be okay, baby, it’s going to be okay”. I shake my head. Nothing would ever be okay! Everything I am is wrong and sinful and dirty! 

“We’re here, Asami,” Korra pulls up to the street in front of her apartment. 

She hops out of the car and opens my door for me. She then unbuckles my seatbelt and carries me out of the car, cradling me to her chest. 

“I’m not a baby,” I whisper.

“You’re my baby and I’m going to take care of you, okay?” She manages to unlock her door and she steps inside. Naga sits, her tail wagging expectantly, but it’s as if she senses that something’s wrong so she doesn’t greet us with her usual rounds of kisses. Korra takes me up to her bedroom and lays me down on her bed, covering me with a blanket. 

“Tell me what you need, Asami,” Korra says softly. 

“Hold me,” I sob. 

Korra climbs into the bed next to me and holds me close. 

“Asami, you’re not a sinner, you’re not disgusting, your love is beautiful and pure and valid,” she whispers into my ear as I cling to her and cry. 

“I love you baby, I love you and there’s nothing wrong with that,” Korra kisses my forehead, “There’s nothing wrong with us kissing or making out or even, if we decide to do it, sex. Sex between two women is beautiful, it’s pure”. 

I sob until I fall asleep in Korra’s arms. 

 

-

 

I wake up a few hours later, disoriented and all cried out. “Korra?” I call out as I sit up. Korra walks into the room and smiles.

“Hey, gorgeous,” she says, sitting next to me on the bed, “I just got off the phone with your dad, he was calling you like crazy, so I picked up and told him that you were sleeping off your sickness”.

“What did he say?” I ask, eyes wide.

“You’re not going to believe this, but he said that if you’re too sick to be moved, you’d better spend the night here and he’ll pick you up in the morning”. 

“Really?” I smile, “Where’s the phone?” Korra hands me my cell and I call my dad. 

“Asami!” he says as soon as he picks up.

“Hey dad,” I say in the sickest sounding voice I can muster. 

“Korra told me that you aren’t feeling so good”.  

“Yeah,” I whisper, “I threw up in the church bathroom during the sermon”. 

“Oh, Asami,” My dad says, “Well, I’m glad Korra’s taking care of you, and if you need anything, please call me”.

“So it’s okay if I stay over here?” 

“Of course! I don’t want you getting sick on the car ride home. It seems like you’re in good hands”. 

“Thanks, Dad,” I say, “I’m going to try and get some more sleep, okay?” 

“Okay, sweetheart,” Dad says, “I love you”. 

“Love you too”. I hang up the phone call and look up at Korra. 

“I can’t believe I get to stay over!” I grin. 

“Me either!” Korra tackles me and gives me little kisses all over my face, “I’m going to get to wake up next to you,” she whispers. 

The thought of sleeping in the same bed as Korra makes my heart do all sorts of gymnastics. 

“Let’s get some takeout?” Korra asks me. 

“Yes please,” 

Korra calls in our order with the closest Chinese place and once it comes, she settles down onto the bed with me. 

“Wanna watch some Netflix?” she asks. 

“Sure, what should we watch?” 

“Mmm I’m in the mood for something Disney, I think. that okay with you?”

I nod. “Which one’s your favorite?” I ask.

“Oh man,” Korra muses, “It’s probably the Journey to Atlantis, it’s so good!”

“I haven’t seen it,” I admit. 

“WHAT” Korra says, her eyes wide, “How have you not seen it?”

“My dad never let me watch it. It has magic in it”.

“Ugh,” Korra rolls her eyes, ‘Well we are fixing this, we are watching this right now!” She pulls her laptop up onto the bed and puts the movie on. “Trust me, this is going to blow your mind”.

I laugh at Korra’s enthusiasm and giver her a kiss on the cheek. “You’re cute”. 

Korra blushes, “Just watch the movie!” 

We cuddle up and settle in to watch the movie, stuffing our faces with lo mein all the while.

To my surprise, I end up liking the movie a lot. But what I like even more is the way Korra watches it with rapt attention, sometimes even mouthing the words along with the movie. God, I love this dork. 

The movie ends and Korra turns to me. “Another movie?” 

“Um,” I say shyly, my eyes averted, “I was actually thinking that we could do something else”. 

“Oh sure, like what?” 

I think about all the things my dad has said about sex, all the restrictions he and his god have put on it, and I realize that I want nothing to do with that. I will no longer allow myself to be ashamed and afraid because of my feelings for Korra. I close my eyes and gather up my resolve before straddling Korra  and saying, “Something like this”. 

Korra’s eyes widen in understanding and she kisses me deeply. 

“Korra,” I say, “I don’t care what my dad says. I want you. I want all of you”. 

“Asami,” Korra says my name like a prayer, “Are you sure about this?” 

“Yes,” I say without hesitation. 

“Good,” Korra grins and she flips us over so that I’m laying on the bed underneath her. She starts kissing me again, her body pressed tightly against mine as she straddles me, “Asami,” she whispers as she kisses me, nibbling on my bottom lip just enough for that warm feeling from before to start growing within me. She moves down to my neck and I swear I see stars. She kisses my neck, the nibbles on it, the presses her tongue against it, over and over again until I’m shaking. 

“Korra,” I whisper, “Please”. 

“Please what?” Korra smiles. 

“T-take off your shirt”. 

Korra sits up and removes her shirt and her body is even more perfect than I ever could have imagined. The sports bra she’s wearing is thin enough for me to see her hard nipples, and that tease is enough to make me throw caution to the wind. I sit up and Kiss Korra, my hand going down her neck, her clavicle, down to her breasts. 

I take a finger and circle one of her nipples, eliciting a shudder from Korra. I start kissing her neck as I continue doing this and the sounds she makes are enough to get me wet. I reach a hand under her bra and brush my thumb against her nipple. 

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Korra moans and I can’t take it anymore. I lift the bra off of her and move down, taking her nipple in my mouth. “Fuck”. The more I turn Korra on, the more turned on I get, so I move my hand down to her pants as I continue sucking on her nipple. I stick my hand down her pants, over her underwear, until I can feel her heat, “Sami,” Korra moans, “I need you”. 

“Take off your pants,” I whisper and Korra complies. She lays back down on the bed and I move down, kissing her thighs, nipping at them gently, teasing her as I get closer and closer to her pussy. I’ve never done this before, I’ve only ever touched myself, but I’m too turned on to care about whether or not I know what I’m doing. 

I lick up her pussy slowly until I reach her clit. Then, I take her clit in my mouth and start sucking on it. Korra weaves her fingers through my hair pulling on it in pleasure. I keep sucking on her clit and then take two fingers and put them inside of her, crooking them forward against the top of the inside. 

“Asami!” Korra moans, “Asami, don’t stop, don’t stop. don’t stop”. I have no intention of stopping as I continue to worship her pussy, “I’m so close I’m so close”. I keep going, faster and faster until Korra arches her back and lays back down with a shudder. 

“Was that good, baby?” I ask as I move up to kiss Korra on the mouth. 

“Mmm,” Korra moans, “That was incredible. Give me a bit of time to recuperate and then it’s your turn”. We lay there quietly for a while before Korra spoons me from behind and starts kissing my neck. “Take off your clothes, baby,” I comply and lay back down. She spoons me again, kissing my neck, her thumb brushing against one of my nipples. 

“Oh god,” I moan as her other hand moves down past my hip and towards my clit. This is incredible, it’s beautiful, it’s amazing. I’m feeling things that I didn’t even know existed. The warmth within me grows even more. 

Korra puts three of her fingers on my clit and she starts massaging it, slowly at first as she continues to kiss my neck. 

“More,” I whimper, “Go faster”.

Korra massages my clit faster and faster, rubbing down on it as she holds me against her. 

“More! More!” she keeps going and then I feel the warmth within me explode like a supernova and make its way all the way through my body. 

“Oh my god,” I whisper, coming down from the orgasm, “Oh my god”. Korra holds me as I recover.

“I love it when you cum, baby,” Korra whispers, “You look so beautiful when you’re desperate and needy”. 

“Korra,” I sigh, “I love you”. I turn and snuggle up against her. 

“I love you too, Sami,” Korra says sleepily. 


End file.
